


Please Don't Go (I'll Eat You Whole) I Love You So

by IzzieTheEnamored



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Character Death (NOT Cas or Dean), Codependency, Explicit Sexual Content, Fleeting mention of no no touches, M/M, SEX WITH MINORS IS MENTIONED, Sexual Dysfunction, They're both really fucked up, This is pure angst with some porn, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 20:06:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzieTheEnamored/pseuds/IzzieTheEnamored
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It's not...weird. It's just different. He expected 'different' going into this relationship. He knew what he was signing up for and he mentally inked his name anyways.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Or, </p><p>The one where Cas and Dean have a messed up sex life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Don't Go (I'll Eat You Whole) I Love You So

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. I just don't know.  
> I kinda like it. I was listening to Breezeblocks by Alt J (aka, the song that ruined my childhood) and this just happened. 
> 
> Full list of warnings in the End Notes.

When Cas tells Anna about it, she tells him that he can't live that way, that he deserves better. Castiel stops speaking to her. 

It's not...weird. It's just different. He expected 'different' going into this relationship. He knew what he was signing up for and he mentally inked his name anyways. 

He really can't expect anything more, from a guy with a dead brother and daddy issues a mile long. So what, Dean calls him Sam when they have sex. It's not a big deal. Dean is still mourning his brother, it's normal. (Sometimes his brain tries to point out that Sam has been dead for nearly three years and Dean shouldn't still be grieving so extremely. Cas isn't, after all. He ignores it.) 

It's not like Dean actually pretends that he's having sex with Sam (hopefully). It's just a comfort thing. A security blanket. Sex makes people feel vulnerable, and Sam's name helps Dean feel safe. At least, that's the only theory that Castiel has been able to come up with. Because it's not like Dean wishes he was having sex with his dead brother, that's crazy (and Dean is _not_ crazy, no matter what anyone says).

*~*~*

Two years ago, when the old ladies he worked with at the local grocery store found out that he was dating Dean, they took it upon themselves to warn Cas away (as if Cas didn't already know about Dean's multitude of arrests and violations). 

"They just rolled into town one day when he was eighteen. I found it weird how close he was with his brother." Little old Margaret announces with squinted eyes and a judgmental scowl.

"They were always hanging all over each other." Marian adds. "His brother died eight months ago, he was shot at the the gas station on fifth. 

"That's when the trouble started. Dean got arrested for public indecency and it went downhill from there. He kinda went crazy." Susie sighs and shakes her head, as if she actually gives a shit. As if she isn't just talking to talk. The thing is, Cas doesn't care. 

"He _is_ crazy. You can see it in his eyes." Marian states. Cas just ignores them and changes the subject. 

Sometimes, he wishes that he would've listened. But it's too late now, he's in too deep. He can't leave Dean, even if he wanted to. He loves Dean, Dean is everything. Cas gave up his whole life for Dean. He stopped talking to Michael and Gabe and Anna, he quit his job, he gave up his dream of getting out of this one road town.

(Dean doesn't want to move. Sam's grave is here. The place where he died is here. Dean still goes to the gas station on fifth every Sunday, like clockwork. When Cas tried to suggest that it wasn't a healthy habit, Dean hit him so hard his teeth rattled. It wasn't a big deal, it happens sometimes. Dean has a short temper and Cas shouldn't provoke him, he know better now. Besides, it's not _that_ unhealthy. Cas would probably go with him if he could actually give a shit anymore. Sometimes, it feels like a straw was shoved inside his head and his emotions were selectively sucked out until the only one remaining was his love for Dean.) 

*~*~*

"I'm worried about you." Gabe says. Cas can tell that Gabe is just spewing a tired line at this point, he knows that Cas isn't going to leave Dean. 

"I'm fine. He's good to me." Cas lies, like he always does. He doesn't tell Gabe what actually goes on because he doesn't want Gabe to leave like Anna did. And it's not that Dean isn't good to him, because some parts of Dean are good. Cas can't actually think of a good part of Dean off the top of his head, but he knows there must be something. But Cas can put up with the bad stuff because he loves Dean so much. He would do anything to stay with him. 

"Cas...Anna told me something that--" Cas hangs up on Gabe and never speaks to him again. Whatever. He doesn't care. Dean is the only person he needs in his life. 

*~*~*

Cas' dad left when Cas was a baby. But it was okay because Lucifer was there to take care of him. Michael left, but Luce was always there or him. 

He bought Cas clothes and fed him. The only thing he asked for in return was for Cas to play games with him. Cas loved Lucifer, so even though the games hurt, he would play for Lucifer. 

He even grew to like their games. When Luce discovered lube and prep it made their games a lot less painful. Their games were fun for awhile, Cas even came to orgasm a few times (or as close to orgasms that his small body could get). 

But then Luce started making Cas call him daddy, and the games became unpleasant once more. Cas still played, because he loved Luce too much to say no. He was happy pretending for Luce. Besides, it wasn't like Luce was actually pretending that he was Cas' dad, that would be weird. It was just a comfort thing, kinda like with Dean. 

(Lucifer died eight months before Cas met Dean Winchester. He got caught in the middle of a shooting at the gas station on fifth.) 

*~*~*

"Dean!" Cas whines as Dean pounds into him. Cas isn't actually deriving any pleasure from this, he hasn't been able to get it up for awhile. Sometimes, on the days when Dean actually uses lubes and properly preps him, he'll make it to half mast; but then Dean will moan Sam's name and Cas will go completely flaccid. This is purely for Dean, because Cas loves him. 

He doesn't need to Dean to bring him to orgasm anyways, not when he can do it by himself in the shower. He pretends to find release anyways, because Dean likes it. Dean likes it when he whines and begs, and Cas is happy to do this for Dean. 

"You gonna come, baby boy? You gonna come for me Sammy?" Dean grunts. Cas just whines and shudders. The reaction is from pain not pleasure, Dean went in dry this time, but Dean doesn't need to know any better. Cas lays back and moans and keens to push Dean along. He prays that Dean will come soon, because it's starting to really hurt and he doesn't want to start bleeding again (Dean didn't like it when that happened a couple weeks ago). 

"Sammy. Sammy. Sam. Love you so much." Dean shouts as he comes. Cas breathes a sigh of relief when Dean's thrusts slow to a stop. He shuts his eyes when Dean pulls out and collapses beside him, because he knows what's coming. "You don't even look like him. You're nothing like him." Dean grunts. With his eyes shut tight, Cas can pretend that he doesn't hear the disgust in Dean's voice.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Character Death (Sam an Lucifer), Sexual Abuse, brief mention of Domestic Violence, Sexual Abuse of a Minor, Anal Sex.
> 
> Do you like it? Did it give you the ouchies? I didn't get as many ouchies as I thought I would when I was writing it. Maybe it's not angsty enough?


End file.
